She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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