I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
