WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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