shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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