Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
