The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
