Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
