Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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