i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
