I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
