My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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