Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
