I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
