I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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