I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
