Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
