zippers are such a cool invention
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
