so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
