Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
