He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
