I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
