She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
