so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
