sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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