when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
