But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
