I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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