hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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