I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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