He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
