found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
