I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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