____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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