We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
