So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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