hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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