How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
