You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
