I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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