i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
