I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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