Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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