you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
