Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
