You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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