did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
