the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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