i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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