Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
