what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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