Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
