3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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