whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
