I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
