i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My ass is underappreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
